Woah, yeah you read that right. I’m feeling happy. That’s a super odd sensation for me because I’ve not found it easy to be happy for a very long time. I’ve not been able to achieve true happiness because of the way I have been for the last couple of years. It’s not been easy and it’s not been fun but it’s been a really good experience. Even though it was horrible and torture, but I will always be able to take something away from it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hit a point as low as that again but if I do, I’ll know how to deal with it.
Now, I’m not trying to say that “I’m fixed” or no longer depressed because obviously that’s never going to be the case. My past experiences made me who I am today and I think im a good person. Not all of you agree but I do good things and I know I do. Yes, there will be times in life where I’m a little selfish but most of the time it’s because I’m trying to make a better person of myself so I can be much more selfless in the future. I really want to be able to make something of myself after these experiences; I think I deserve it.
Anyway, In the last few weeks I’ve been talking to an old friend who I’m now super proud to be able to call my girlfriend. I owe her so much. Like, I owe this girl the world. She means so so much to me and makes me super smiley and happy. I don’t think I’ve seen myself smile this much in 2 years. You know that feeling you get… that warmth in your stomach when you get a text from the one you love? Yeah? Well that’s what I’m getting all the damn time. Finally, someone who loves and appreciates me for me. It feels so good. I could go on and on all day long about her. Like omg.
What I’m trying to say is that I’ve always been affected by loneliness despite having loads of people around me and enough to make me feel wanted and appreciated but because I haven’t felt loved, I’ve not been able to feel true happiness and worth. No, I’m not saying that now I’m with someone, I’m better, because that’s not the case but it’s one step closer and it feels good.
I just wanna say a huge thank you to you all (especially my girlfriend and best friend) for being so loving and kind and being one of the reasons I’m still here today. I truly couldn’t have done it without you. Keep smiling guys, you truly are one of a kind.
Yugen – a thought about the universe which triggers an emotional response too deep to put into words.