Recently, I have been struggling to understand why I am having difficulty with being able to say “Just go for it” and creating my own happiness by being a little bit selfish and going out there to get what I want, what I deserve. It wasn’t until recently (today, even) where it hit me in the face. I have very little self-confidence. I used to believe that it was because I wasn’t worthy or I didn’t deserve to be happy. Sod that theory, I’m not able to do it because I don’t believe that I am able to.
I do deserve to be happy just as much as the next guy, it’s just the fact that I am unable to go out and get it due to the way that my mind works. You might be sat there thinking that I can change the way that it works but it’s far easier said than done. Most of the time, I feel physically blocked by something in my path. It’s like I’m being pushed back by something that is sat right in front of me. It’s an odd sensation but one that can be overcome with baby steps.
There are easy ways to do this which will be more of a short-term fix but there are also things that can be done to have more of a long-term effect on what your life. I would rather have more of the second one but the fear of rejection put me off doing so and still does. There is so much I can do to improve this but it’s so difficult for someone who has a similar mentality. It’s hard, So very hard.
Things will become easier as I begin to take those small steps and therefore allowing myself to be more involved with this forever growing world. I crave to be able to live an easier lifestyle, one that has a positive impact on me and is able to allow me the happiness that I deserve. I hope you can all get that too.
Yugen – A thought about the universe which triggers an emotional response too deep to put into words.