Feeling Useless

There have been plenty of times in life where I have felt completely useless due to what other people have told me or the way I think about myself. This clearly isn’t healthy and it lasted a very long time but day in, day out this is the way I felt. last year, I decided to start writing about the way I felt. When doing this, I had the ability to write for hours on end. I once described the way I was feeling as follows:

“It’s horrible. It makes me feel like I’m a very wrong person like I’m not the person that shouldn’t be approached and I hate that feeling so much. I have no idea in hell why this is all happening but I do know that it’s a horrible thing to have to happen to me. It affects my friendships I feel like I’m being so rude to some people but I don’t think I’m that sort of person.”

Looking back on this now, I am feeling much, much better about myself and It’s incredibly rare that I feel anything like the way I was feeling at this point in my life. To be honest, It’s quite nice to see how far I’ve come in the last sort of 12 months but It’s also very scary to think that I felt this low for a reason which I view to be completely pathetic. At this point in my life, my mind was all over the place. It was quite strange to think that I was feeling this way on a daily basis as I’m struggling to understand why something was able to trigger this massive train of emotions.

What to do

When I was feeling the way that I did, I kind of sat on it for most of the time because I was always failing to see a way out which was very scary, to be honest. However, there were a few things that I did to try and ease myself out of the way that I was feeling. Here are just a few:

  • Positive Reinforcement – This might sound idiotic but I couldn’t believe how much it helped me. Talking to myself in a mirror made me look stupid but it really helped me to believe that I was good enough to be where I was in life. I used to do this as and when I needed to because sometimes I was lucky enough to hear it from someone else. This often made me feel much better.
  • Fake Smiles – People believe that faking a smile is unhealthy because it suggests you’re okay when you’re not which really isn’t good for your mental health. I couldn’t agree more but, when you get used to fake smiling you can actually get used to knowing what happiness feels like (this sounds ridiculous but stick with me.) I thought that if I kept fake smiling I might learn how to be happy. This worked.

These were a couple that worked for me and I’m not saying that they will definitely work for you. they’re random, I know but It’s always worth a shot.

Yugen – An emotional response about the universe too deep to put into words.

 

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