Hello, I just wanted to say a quick sorry for being really inactive recently. Basically, I’ve been at NCS (which I’ve written about a lot!) and it’s caused me to have no time to think. Anyway, I’ve been wanting to write about this for a very long time because it’s affected me a lot recently. This is about being lied to.
So, it all started about 2 years ago when I lost a lot in my life. I had loads of friends who all basically ran away from me and I lost my cat too. Even though I have loads of cats, this was the first time one had passed away since 2012. That month of my life was quite easily the worst to date. I had never felt so anxious and upset in my life. It was tough, and it took a very long time but I finally felt happy again.
However, being happy obviously came with many consequences. One of these being liars. At first, I tried not to let it bother me and I didn’t really notice because most of it was little white lies which were done behind my back. Subsequently, this meant that I didn’t notice any of it which got me into a deeper and darker hole. When I did discover what was going on, it was really embarrassing and I felt as if I had nowhere to turn. I found help and I’m so happy that I did because I learned that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, I just had to find it. Don’t get me wrong, it was a scary couple of months but I had to remain strong.
A few months later, someone incredible walked into my life and I believed that I was ‘happy.’ I mean, this clearly wasn’t true because she kept lying to me about this, that and the other which caused me to further believe that I would struggle to find happiness. But, to be honest, I wasn’t too bothered about that, I was more bothered by the fact that she kept lying to my face and wouldn’t stop. I don’t think she realised how hurtful it actually was for me to hear her lie to me and be completely oblivious about it until someone told me straight. So, I got her out of my life once I had realised that she was a nasty person to be around but, I kept attracting more and more. They kept coming almost as if they were lining up to just throw something in my face.
I decided to almost give up on people for a while as I felt that they weren’t helping me at all but all I really needed were some friends but I was skeptical to make any because of how much I was lied to in the past. I was scared to do anything because of the past actions of anyone which was awful. I hated the way I felt for a long time but I finally found my happiness when some amazing people walked into my life very unexpectedly not so long ago.
If you’re one of the people who lied to me in the past then… f**k you, but if you’re one of the people who walked into my life and made me super happy then THANK YOU! Please keep doing what you’re doing because you’re helping so so much.
Yugen – An emotional response about the world too deep to put into words.