If you happen to be reading this as soon as it is published (no one) then, I am currently on my way to phase one of the ‘adventures of a lifetime’. I will admit, I’m excited to get stuck in but I’m gonna miss home. I don’t love it at home but at the end of the day, home is where the heart is. However, I’m not going to let this stop me from being free and being the person I have always wanted to be! I’m so nervous yet so excited to get stuck in.
My first week (Phase 1) is being held in Cheshire, apparently, this is all about team building and all that stuff which makes me anxious but I’m not going to let that defeat me. I’m going to try my damned best to get involved and ultimately have a]n incredible time (I hope). I’m lowkey hoping that there won’t be too much water stuff because I’ve only packed denim jeans – oops. Oh well. To be honest, I’ve never really done any water sports so this should be interesting, to say the least.
Overall, I’m experiencing very mixed emotions. This morning I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life I think. When I arrived I became really excited and now I’m on the coach, I’ve kind of just crashed into this whole “you can’t do this” sort of thing. So, that’s fun! Every so often, I seem to look out the window and get a little bit of hope back on my confidence. I’m also sat here frantically eating skittles and attempting to avoid conversation with those around me at all costs (no offense to the person sat next to me tho).
Sometimes, I begin to wonder why I sign myself up for these sort of things because I am fully aware that at some point this week I will crash and I’ll be all over the shot, I won’t be able to focus or join in and I might not even be able to talk to people but despite I know fully that it will happen, I’m still doing it? Makes sense, right? No, no it doesn’t but it takes determination and spirit to be able to do something like this and I’m going to have to get that from somewhere.
In terms of how I’m feeling right now. Nervous, excited, scared, happy. As you can see, I don’t even know myself to be honest. It’s daunting going into a new place with new people where you have no idea what you’re in for but I hope the people are nice. I need to make some friends or I’m going to end up going a tiny bit insane!
So, over the course of the next 5 days, I will stay positive and calm and I will join in with as much as I possibly can. I will be keeping you all updated with what’s going on (not that you’re that bothered) but, I like to write about what I’m doing and how I’m feeling about what is still to come. All I can say is, be prepared for a whole load of posts this week from both me and Karman who I have cheekily asked to slot in loads this week too! Sorry Love!
Yugen – An emotional response about the universe too deep to put into words.